Life-Afterlife

I only need to run.
I have to run, otherwise I will die, most likely of terror. I have to reach it...the only place where I feel safe ; the only place where I can hide in darkness, knowing that no monster lurks there...
I do feel guilty as I run beneath the watchful eyes of the moon and stars ; they seem to say "It was your fault!". But it wasn't...I know that very well.
The roots of an old tree suddenly appear blacker that the night itself in front of me and I stumble and fall on the ground. I wish it were soft... Nevertheless, it is much more softer that the memories from which I run.
I thank God for the trees' shelter, for their branches covered with leaves hide me from the punishing sky. Even so, I'm still scared... It seems like fear is the wolf behind me and I am the hunted and haunted lost sheep.
But I finally reach the place I was going to - the Gothic church, the church that has been abandoned maybe centuries ago, the church who, just like me, was hidden by the welcoming woods. I lean myself against a wall and rest for a moment. Running can be so tiring. After a short glance at the moon and after casting the whispered words "Not me..." to the chilly wind, I go inside.
Some candles were lit inside, so it's not dark. I can see the altar clearly... Maybe to clearly. For some reason, the saints painted there seem to look at me like the moon and stars do. But it's not my fault... I haven't done anything. I can't even remember my name!
My name...
So many times I looked at these cold stone walls and saw the name Mary written on them...in blood. But it meant nothing to me, it didn't scare me. Only a blurry memory crossed my mind each time I read it, but only for a moment - then it vanished.
Yet this night I was looking for something. I don't know what, but it meant everything to me. My life, my soul, everything. Therefore I wandered in the silent church for hours, myself not making any sound at all. At some point in my research, I found a door in the floor... I opened it and it revealed some stairs that led into darkness. I wanted to take a candle with me, but each time I was reaching out for one...the light went out. I couldn't touch any of them.
Still, I went down into the depths of that darkness.
I found myself into a room ; there was light, but I could not see its source. Yet not that was important to me, but the grave stone that was lying on the floor, hiding...who knows what? A skeleton maybe, or a fresh corpse...
I bent down to read what was written there and I saw the name Mary.
My name.
Suddenly, it all came crushing down on me. Everything that happened in my past. I remembered how mother used to take me with her at this church on Sundays, how father played with me, how I was riding a horse, how I was reading, how I was learning so many things I can't even count them...
I remember how it was to breath. To cry. To laugh. To feel my life beating in my chest.
And, oh dear! I remember that I was ill and lying in my warm bed and everyone took very, very good care of me. But the fever and the sickness wouldn't go away... I grew weaker and weaker and I know that one day they dressed me in the same black dress I was wearing at this very moment. I hear somebody whisper "It's no use...poor thing, she'll soon be gone.". After that, I closed my eyes and fell asleep, but I woke up immediately after seeing nothing but black.
I was standing by my bed, looking down at those who surrounded my bed, all of them crying and covering whatever there was lying there and I could not see. I tried to talk to them - they would only ignore my voice. I followed them everywhere they went.
In the same day a coffin was brought in the house and a dead body was lied there carefully. I tried to see who had fallen into eternal sleep, but I couldn't - the dead one's face was covered. I wondered who it was and why nobody gave any attention to me anymore. I didn't understand.
The next day the coffin was taken at this church. I went as well, for I felt that whoever was dead it meant everything to me. Soon, it all ended...
I tried to go back home but I found I couldn't get away from the church. I was stuck there.
So I tried to ask the priests what was happening, but none of them would respond - they all made a scared face and walked away terrified.
One night I heard them talking, their voice no louder than a whisper. They said the church was haunted and they had to leave it at once.
Haunted? I didn't sense any strange cold presence...
But now, kneeling at my very own grave, I understood everything.
I want to take a look at myself... How do I look after all this time? I only need to bend more...approach the gravestone somehow...
I'm falling into darkness and I scream but no one hear the silence at throw at the darkness. I fall upon my skeleton, who is wearing the same dress as I do. Dear Lord! It's empty orbits seem so alive, they seem to blame me as well for what? I do not know. And it's white teeth seem to smile wickedly at me, an evil smile... I can even hear the laughter the skull throws at me. Its hands of bone reach for me and they catch me. It slowly drags me into it... Death drags me into another death...
But I wake up in front of the church. It's dawning. The sun's warm razes of light are now touching me... I can feel them. I can feel the wet grass...
Not wanting to know what had happened, I sit up and slowly walk away, with the wind at my side...

Apus

Priveam apusul soarelui
In marea de cristal ce-l oglindea.
Razele lui ca suliti de lumina
Se pierdeau in ea.
Culori calde se imbinau cu cele reci.
Albastrul noptii le invaluia cu intuneric
Si cu stele de argint. Scoicile ceresti.
Aceeasi lume salasluia si in mare, si in cer.
Aceleasi scoici. Acelasi umed aer.
Cu privirea plecata spre apa, priveam luna
Ascunsa printre valurile inspumate.
Ma intrebam daca pot s-o iau cu mana
Si s-o arunc inapoi cerului.
Dar privind in sus, iat-o, acolo era
Cu stele dasand in juru-i.
Stralucea si ea asemeni argintului,
Inecandu-se in valurile de-ntuneric uscat
Asa cum soarele muri stins de apa noptii.